Sunday, 19 February 2012

First Campaigner Challenge!!!

Shadows crept across the wall. 
 A cold shiver ran down my spine, and I shuddered involuntarily. Unconsciously, my hands clutched my teddy tighter, and I fearfully snuggled up to him for courage, my movement painstakingly slow for fear that unseen monsters which were making these shadows sprang upon me once they sensed me through my fear founded erratic movements.
They seemed to grow larger. Like a vortex sucking the bits and pieces of darkness from the night into them.
My heartbeat fluttered ever more wildly. Suddenly, I found it very hard to breathe. I was terrified, and began to panic. My body was attacked by uncontrolled spasms, and I began to fidget under my blanket.
At this point, an orange light suddenly came on, shining brightly into my eyes. My vision went white, and my fear was so great that it began to suffocate me. I couldn’t breathe. My terror was complete.
“Charlie? Are you all right?” A pair of emerald eyes stared into mine, shone with alarm and concern.
It was Mom. My relief was immense.
Her warm hand found mine, and I was comforted. As I spiralled into deep slumber, she switched off the light, and everything faded.
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For those of you who're interested to know more about this challenge, chack out this link. For future activities/challenges, check out this link. For information about the campaign, check out this link.
Please note: Unfortunately, it is only open for those who'd signed up for the campaign, but the campaign are held again later this year.

These are the rules of the challenge:

Write a short story/flash fiction story in 200 words or less, excluding the title. It can be in any format, including a poem. Begin the story with the words, “Shadows crept across the wall”. These five words will be included in the word count. 
If you want to give yourself an added challenge (optional), do one or more of these:
  • end the story with the words: "everything faded." (also included in the word count)
  • include the word "orange" in the story
  • write in the same genre you normally write
  • make your story 200 words exactly!
If you'd like my entry, feel free to head over to Rach's blog to 'like' me. I'm entry no.2! Thanks!

100 comments:

  1. That brings me right back to my childhood night terrors and the mother who assured me that everything was all right. Fabulous emotion and dread. Nicely done! :)

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    1. Thanks! Did you join? You should!

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  2. wow!!

    A nice story about the teddy!! I expected the teddy to do something the way it does in cartoons and all!!

    A fellow campaigner hoping to meet you on Another Author

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    1. Yeah! Nice to meet you! Will be checking you out(hope that doesn't freak you out!!! I mean check out your blog.)And thanks!

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  3. You definitely captured the fear of a small child of the monsters under the bed. :)

    Hope you don't mind me pointing it out, but watch out for those adverbs and passive sentences.

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    1. Thanks! And I had to admit, grammar's not my thing...Thanks for pointing it out! Though unfortunately, I don't think I can make the corrections...

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  4. Aww. What a great kid story. I love that you use the mom for the hero. Sweet and very effective.

    I did find your use of adverbs a little overdone. Try to replace your -ly words with stronger, more active words and phrases for a tighter story.

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    1. Thank you!!! Yes, you're right! Great suggestions! Thanks!

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  5. Aww cute!! Love how you made it all seem so scary at first and then when his mother turns on the light everything is better. Great job!! You have my vote :)

    I'm #19

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    1. Thanks for voting me!!! Will look right into yours! It must be fab!

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  6. I loved this...intense with a nice twist in the end.

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  7. Very good! You really captured the childhood fears of bedtime.

    I'm entry #30.

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    1. Thanks! That's great! Can't wait to read yours!

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  8. Very nice! I like that you picked a younger character to showcase. And I also like that it's not got a terrible death. Refreshing :)

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    1. lol. With all the published tragic books we read, aren't we all glad that's it not a tragic death?!And thanks!

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  9. Nice build up! Nice ending too! :)

    I'm #39

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    1. Thanks! Lovely! Heading towards yours now...

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  10. I liked this story that is comforting whereas some of the others relied of fear or terror as the driving emotion. Good work!

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  11. Oh cool! Surprise ending. :) Nice work!

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  12. LOVE it! Especially: clutched teddy tighter!! :)

    and, I'm a new follower, nice to meet you!

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    1. YEAH!!! Thank you! Yup, I LOVE clutching a teddy! And nice to meet you too!

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  13. Oh man! This reminds me of that picture of the little teddy bear fighting of monsters under the bed! Great tension. One thing, however, I'm not sure how old this child is, but the language seems a little...elevated for the age, but perhaps not.

    Great job!

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    1. Thanks!!! Yeah, yeah, I'm painfully aware of it...Now, I'm not sure if I'm worthy of that 'good job'...

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  14. Creepy and well done!

    I'm #56 if you want to pop by!

    Claire

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    1. Thank you! Of course I want to read yours! It must be awesome!

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  15. nstantly takes me back to my childhood, nights alone in my bedroom with the basement door closed precariously by only a hook latch with hundreds of hungry Sleestak on the other side. (1970's Land of the Lost anyone?) Nice work. I'm #58 on the list. :)

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    1. Hi! Thanks! Can't wait to read yours!

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  16. Eerie, made me want to look behind my back just to be sure. Great details and visuals! Woot :)

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  17. You really captured the terror of a child - I think we have all been there. Very reassuring ending with a feeling of warmth. I would say that the third sentence is a little hard to make sense of at first, so this breaks up the flow a little bit. Doesn't detract from the overall effect though. I'm #10 on the list!

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    1. Thanks! Great! Can't wait to read yours!

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  18. Good one! Childhood memories, gotta love them! Nice post!

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  19. Great story - I know my 7 year old will be sympathizing tonight. It is funny how scary things can seem.

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    1. Haha thanks! Would love to get to know your 7 year old...=)

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  20. Great! I agree with David - but from the mom's perspective - you've explained very well what my little girl goes through when she has her night terrors.

    Great job!

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    1. Thanks! I sympathize your girl...

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  21. I loved that your challenge was so different than most of the other ones I've read. Nice job! I'm following you and am waving at you from the campaign!

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  22. I really enjoyed how you built up the suspense and the twist at the end was a nice touch. :)

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  23. Creepy and cool - just the way I like it! Great job! :)

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  24. Ah, the power of the Teddy Bear and Mom at night. I still miss my Teddy.

    ;)

    Tale Spinning: Wednesday's Child

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    1. Thanks! Psst...I still have my teddy! Hehee...

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  25. Nice job! Stopping by on the campaign trail :)

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  26. The boogie man under the bed memories are in tact. Very creepy indeed.

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    1. Hope I didn't scare you...and that you enjoy it! ;)

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  27. I was always scared of the shadows a hat on my door made, great job at channeling a child's POV.

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    1. And I was scared by the flowery patterns on the curtains at night, coz they looked like wicked gnomes cackling at me...

      And thanks!

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  28. This brought back a memory of when I studied under the sheets doing last minute homework, afraid the flashlight would give off enough light to creep under the doorway and give me away. It did. I was discovered and had to cram the work in the next morning before school. Mom didn't comfort, but she scared the crap out of me when she burst through the door and told me to go to sleep. (hehehe) Those were the days.

    You did an awesome job. I felt the tension, and smelled the fear in the air.

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    1. lol. Me too. But I was reading novels till late into the night, and mum did that too, quite suddenly(I was too absorbed).

      And thanks!

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  29. Great capture of nighttime childhood emotions!

    Laurie Buchanan (entry #92)

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    1. Thanks! Can't wait to read yours!

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  30. Good! I like the idea - the story I wrote for this has a girl hugging a doll to her as she sleeps, but it's quite a bit different ;) Beyond the awesomeness, my thought are mostly what others have said. Adverbs: not to use fewer, necessarily, but to watch their placement - you put them back-to-back in some spots, which just draws attention. Watch out for over-using "suddenly," though. And the language is a bit mature for a child, more like an older narrator recalling a childhood event? If that's the case, then a few adjustments with that in mind would make it work better. But I guess the real point is that it's a great little story! So sweet! And pleasantly surprising for the mom to come in!

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    1. Thanks! I'll watch out for them. Nice to meet you!

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  31. Ahhh teddy bear -- that makes it so much better. Great post!

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  32. Scary! Good job with the tension.

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  33. Such a sweet cozy ending.


    Lee (#126 on the Campaign Challenge List)
    An A to Z Co-Host
    Tossing It Out
    Twitter: @AprilA2Z
    #atozchallenge

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    1. Thanks! Can't wait to read yours!

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  34. Nice work! I'm dealing with this exact thing with my 4 y/o, poor kid. :(
    Great descriptions!

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    1. Thanks! I'm sure he'll learn to cope with it when he's older...=)

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  35. Hello from the campaign! My sequel comes out at the end of March and I'd love you to join me for a blog hop. what do you think?

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    1. Hi! Thanks! Great, you're published, congrats! Hmmm...I would love to, but I'm quite busy right now...so no rpomises, I'm afraid...

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  36. That was so sweet. I thought it was going to be a horror story, but it surprised me. It also reminded me of my boys when they were little.

    I'm #88. Comments welcome.

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    1. Thanks! Can't wait to read yours!

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  37. Ah, the memories of childhood - creepy shadows, the bedroom cupboard, snakes under the bed, branches scrapping across the window, you have brought all those horrors back!

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  38. Everyone can relate to it, which makes it a very sweet short story.

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    1. Thank you. Glad that you can relate to it.

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  39. It's interesting to see the different directions people take this challenge. Enjoyed your story.
    Melissa Maygrove
    #149 on the Campaign Challenge list

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    1. Thank you. Read your, it's lovely!

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  40. I think everyone can relate to your story. Nice! New follower here and entry #96

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    1. Thanks! Heading towards yours now!

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  41. Ooh, this made me feel so nostalgic. I liked it =)

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  42. Liked the positive ending. Great writing and you've gained a new follower. Mine's #159 take a look :)

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    1. Thanks! Just finished reading yours; it's beautiful. Good job.

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  43. Childhood fears, this hit them just right. Nice entry!

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  44. Adverbs are not your friend :) and maybe a little less telling. Otherwise a very cute story.

    Definitely needs tightening. But really if you aren't used to writing shorts, this was a pretty good crack at it. Shorts/flash take lots of practice to hone and get the punch in as little words as possible. Glad you took a swing at it. I enjoyed it. Thanks for sharing!

    Hope you like mine #189

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  45. You drew my interest in the first couple lines. I was realy feeling for the kid.

    Mine is # 121. Check it out if you want.

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    1. Great! Thanks. You did a great job!

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  46. Sorry I'm so late, I'm working my way through the ones I've missed. I enjoyed this, it's something so many of us can relate to :-)

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    1. It's okay. And thanks! Glad that you enjoyed it!

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